1 00:00:35,960 --> 00:00:38,800 They're here! They're here! 2 00:00:40,240 --> 00:00:41,480 Hiya! 3 00:00:41,520 --> 00:00:43,720 -ADAM: Hold on, Grandma. Hold on. -What's going on? 4 00:00:43,760 --> 00:00:46,200 -Hi, Mum. Grandma's hair's stuck. -What? 5 00:00:46,240 --> 00:00:47,800 Her hair's stuck. Just undo it! 6 00:00:47,840 --> 00:00:49,680 I'm trying to! The door won't open. 7 00:00:49,720 --> 00:00:51,720 -Mum? -Hello, Jackie. 8 00:00:51,760 --> 00:00:54,160 -Undo the window. -What do you think I am trying to do? 9 00:00:54,200 --> 00:00:56,080 -Hurry up. -Wait. Maybe if I... 10 00:00:56,120 --> 00:00:57,640 [CAR ALARM BLARING] 11 00:00:57,680 --> 00:00:59,200 -Great! -Jonny! 12 00:00:59,240 --> 00:01:01,080 Is that the police? 13 00:01:01,120 --> 00:01:03,240 Jonathan, open the window and turn that bloody alarm off now! 14 00:01:03,280 --> 00:01:06,560 -I'm trying. I'm trying. -Ooh! 15 00:01:06,600 --> 00:01:09,040 Oh, are you okay, Mum? 16 00:01:09,080 --> 00:01:11,840 -Sorry, Grandma. Sorry. -You're such a dickhead. 17 00:01:11,880 --> 00:01:14,280 -Shut up. -How's my hair? 18 00:01:14,320 --> 00:01:17,320 It's fine, Mum. It's fine. Come on. 19 00:01:17,360 --> 00:01:20,240 How did you manage to get her hair stuck in the window? 20 00:01:20,280 --> 00:01:21,720 'Cause he's a dickhead, that's how. 21 00:01:21,760 --> 00:01:23,520 She must have leant in when I pressed the button or something. 22 00:01:23,560 --> 00:01:24,720 -You know something? -What? 23 00:01:24,760 --> 00:01:26,120 You are a dickhead. 24 00:01:28,000 --> 00:01:30,920 -Let me have a look at my hair. -Oh, your hair looks lovely. 25 00:01:30,960 --> 00:01:33,560 It's a lovely colour. Isn't it a lovely colour, boys? 26 00:01:33,600 --> 00:01:34,840 -Yeah, lovely. -Yeah. 27 00:01:34,880 --> 00:01:38,480 Thank you. You should get yours done, too. 28 00:01:38,520 --> 00:01:40,440 -I've just had mine done. -Have you? 29 00:01:40,480 --> 00:01:43,080 -Yes, Mum. -Did you do it over the bath? 30 00:01:43,120 --> 00:01:45,080 -Brilliant. -No, I did not do it over the bath. 31 00:01:45,120 --> 00:01:47,040 -Someone did it for me. -Really? 32 00:01:47,080 --> 00:01:48,720 -Yes. -A professional? 33 00:01:48,760 --> 00:01:50,760 -Yes, a professional. -Someone you paid? 34 00:01:50,800 --> 00:01:52,560 Mum, enough now. Come through. 35 00:01:52,600 --> 00:01:55,400 Oh, boys, we've got something to show you. 36 00:01:55,440 --> 00:01:58,640 -Really? What? -You'll see. Come on, Mum. 37 00:01:58,680 --> 00:02:00,760 Grandma's going to do a strip for us? 38 00:02:00,800 --> 00:02:02,200 Hello, bambinos. 39 00:02:02,240 --> 00:02:04,760 -With Dad? -Hello, Martin! 40 00:02:04,800 --> 00:02:06,560 -What? -What? 41 00:02:08,360 --> 00:02:09,480 What? 42 00:02:11,960 --> 00:02:13,640 Sorry, my hearing machine's not very... 43 00:02:13,680 --> 00:02:15,480 -No top tonight, Dad? -I'm baking. 44 00:02:15,520 --> 00:02:17,120 You know, my mother really doesn't want to see your titties. 45 00:02:17,160 --> 00:02:18,200 -Ah! -Ooh! 46 00:02:18,240 --> 00:02:20,400 [LAUGHS] 47 00:02:20,440 --> 00:02:22,240 Why don't you have a nice drink, Mum? 48 00:02:22,280 --> 00:02:25,480 Oh, yes, thank you. A sherry, please. 49 00:02:25,520 --> 00:02:27,680 Of course. Adam, get Grandma a sherry, would you? 50 00:02:27,720 --> 00:02:30,480 -[ADAM GROANS] -JONNY: Yes! 51 00:02:30,520 --> 00:02:31,760 What did you want to show us, then? 52 00:02:31,800 --> 00:02:36,200 Well, see if you can notice! 53 00:02:36,240 --> 00:02:41,040 Something, perhaps...in this room. 54 00:02:41,080 --> 00:02:42,160 Uh... 55 00:02:52,520 --> 00:02:53,600 [EXASPERATED] Well? 56 00:02:53,640 --> 00:02:55,240 [BOTH SIGHING] 57 00:02:55,280 --> 00:02:58,360 Mum, have you noticed anything different about the living room? 58 00:02:59,960 --> 00:03:02,240 -You cleaned it? -JONNY: Amazing. 59 00:03:02,280 --> 00:03:04,400 -Here, Grandma. -Oh, thank you, dolly. 60 00:03:04,440 --> 00:03:06,360 Um, I've just got to... 61 00:03:11,040 --> 00:03:14,000 -What are you doing? -Nothing. Just getting a bit of bread. 62 00:03:14,040 --> 00:03:15,400 If you've been putting salt in my... 63 00:03:15,440 --> 00:03:17,800 So what was that thing you wanted us to see, then? 64 00:03:17,840 --> 00:03:21,320 God, I can't believe you lot. All right, I'll show you. 65 00:03:24,080 --> 00:03:27,080 -Did you hurt your arm? -No, Mum. Look. 66 00:03:28,280 --> 00:03:29,760 ALL: Uh... 67 00:03:29,800 --> 00:03:32,920 -Oh, Christ! It's the curtains! -It's the curtains! 68 00:03:32,960 --> 00:03:35,200 ALL: Oh. 69 00:03:35,240 --> 00:03:36,480 What about them? 70 00:03:36,520 --> 00:03:38,640 -What about them? They're new. -They're new. 71 00:03:38,680 --> 00:03:39,760 Are they? 72 00:03:39,800 --> 00:03:42,040 Yes. We just got them. Do you like them? 73 00:03:42,080 --> 00:03:43,480 Aren't they the same as the other ones? 74 00:03:43,520 --> 00:03:45,640 What other ones? We had blinds, you idiot. 75 00:03:45,680 --> 00:03:47,160 Did we? 76 00:03:47,200 --> 00:03:50,760 -Mum, do you like the curtains? -Not really. 77 00:03:50,800 --> 00:03:53,640 -What do you mean, not really? -It's the wrong colour. 78 00:03:53,680 --> 00:03:55,920 -Wrong colour? -Yellow. 79 00:03:55,960 --> 00:03:58,680 [SIGHS] They're not yellow. They're cream. 80 00:03:58,720 --> 00:04:00,160 They're yellow. 81 00:04:00,200 --> 00:04:02,800 [SIGHS] Tell her, boys. What colour are the curtains? 82 00:04:02,840 --> 00:04:05,600 Um, they're sort of yellow. 83 00:04:05,640 --> 00:04:07,280 Yeah, piss yellow? 84 00:04:07,320 --> 00:04:09,840 Charming. Martin, tell my mother. What colour are the curtains? 85 00:04:09,880 --> 00:04:11,320 -They're yellow. -I know. 86 00:04:11,360 --> 00:04:12,720 They're not yellow. 87 00:04:12,760 --> 00:04:15,120 We've had this argument and we both agreed, remember? 88 00:04:15,160 --> 00:04:17,400 -They're cream. -Yes. I forgot. They're cream. 89 00:04:17,440 --> 00:04:19,800 Oh! Well, thanks very much, everyone. 90 00:04:19,840 --> 00:04:23,080 I spend all this time trying to make the house look nice for you 91 00:04:23,120 --> 00:04:26,080 and no one even bothers to notice. Thanks. Thank you very much. 92 00:04:26,120 --> 00:04:27,720 Oh, Jackie! I... 93 00:04:30,680 --> 00:04:33,760 Jackie, the boys do like them. Tell your mum you like the curtains. 94 00:04:33,800 --> 00:04:36,040 Of course we do. They're lovely, Mum. Aren't they, Jonny? 95 00:04:36,080 --> 00:04:37,520 Yeah, they're lovely. Really lovely, Mum. 96 00:04:37,560 --> 00:04:39,080 -See, they love them. -They hate them. 97 00:04:39,120 --> 00:04:42,520 -No, we don't. -Well, Grandma hates them. 98 00:04:42,560 --> 00:04:44,760 You don't hate the curtains, do you, Grandma? 99 00:04:44,800 --> 00:04:47,360 -What? -You don't hate the curtains? 100 00:04:47,400 --> 00:04:49,640 Yes. I think they're horrible. 101 00:04:51,720 --> 00:04:53,760 Thanks a lot, Mum. So nice you came. 102 00:04:53,800 --> 00:04:58,400 [SIGHS] Great. Why didn't she just say she liked the sodding curtains? 103 00:04:58,440 --> 00:05:01,320 -What? -Grandma, I think you've upset Mum. 104 00:05:01,360 --> 00:05:05,080 Oh. Okay, dolly. I'll speak to her. Don't worry. 105 00:05:05,120 --> 00:05:07,400 Thanks, Grandma. 106 00:05:07,440 --> 00:05:10,640 Sometimes your mother can be such a sensitive cow. 107 00:05:14,280 --> 00:05:15,520 Jackie. 108 00:05:15,560 --> 00:05:16,920 [SIGHS] 109 00:05:16,960 --> 00:05:18,960 What, Mum? 110 00:05:19,000 --> 00:05:22,200 -You're upset. -How did you guess? 111 00:05:22,960 --> 00:05:24,560 I'm your mother. 112 00:05:26,320 --> 00:05:28,040 You know, 113 00:05:28,080 --> 00:05:32,640 if you still have the receipt, you can always take the curtains back. 114 00:05:32,680 --> 00:05:35,440 -[CLATTERING] -MARTIN: Shit! Shit on it! 115 00:05:35,480 --> 00:05:38,520 -What happened? -God! What now? 116 00:05:40,560 --> 00:05:44,280 -I can't believe you, Martin! -Oh, shit on it! Shit on it! 117 00:05:44,320 --> 00:05:46,720 -You drive me mad! -What's all that muck? 118 00:05:46,760 --> 00:05:48,160 Did Dad have diarrhoea? 119 00:05:48,200 --> 00:05:50,720 Jonny, it's not funny. That was my casserole. 120 00:05:50,760 --> 00:05:53,000 -Sorry. -Casserole from dad's ass-erole! 121 00:05:53,040 --> 00:05:55,600 MARTIN: I'm really sorry, Jackie. It just slipped. 122 00:05:55,640 --> 00:05:56,800 Slipped? 123 00:05:56,840 --> 00:05:59,640 Look, it's all right. I can just... 124 00:06:08,320 --> 00:06:09,520 Lovely. 125 00:06:10,800 --> 00:06:12,520 There. 126 00:06:12,560 --> 00:06:14,560 Martin, you've got a piece stuck to you. 127 00:06:14,600 --> 00:06:17,120 -What? -Some beef on your stomach. 128 00:06:18,040 --> 00:06:20,800 Oh! Mmm. 129 00:06:20,840 --> 00:06:22,920 -So what are we going to eat, then? -Well, that. 130 00:06:22,960 --> 00:06:25,040 -That? -Yes, that. 131 00:06:25,080 --> 00:06:28,640 -What, from the floor? It's filthy. -It's not filthy, it's fine. 132 00:06:29,120 --> 00:06:30,200 Is it? 133 00:06:30,240 --> 00:06:31,880 GRANDMA: Where is everyone? 134 00:06:31,920 --> 00:06:35,400 Oh, God, don't let Grandma see. It's nothing, Mum. Coming! 135 00:06:36,440 --> 00:06:37,920 Nice one, Dad. 136 00:06:39,400 --> 00:06:40,400 [MARTIN GRUNTS] 137 00:06:44,920 --> 00:06:46,720 Oh, I don't think that bit was from the casserole. 138 00:06:55,640 --> 00:06:57,720 Are we having a stabbing party or something? 139 00:06:57,760 --> 00:07:00,600 -Have a guess who set the table. -Hmm? 140 00:07:00,640 --> 00:07:02,560 There are quite a lot of knives here, Dad. 141 00:07:02,600 --> 00:07:05,400 Yes, we were going to murder your mother after dinner, remember? 142 00:07:05,440 --> 00:07:06,920 [ALL LAUGHING] 143 00:07:14,280 --> 00:07:16,760 So are you going to tell me why she couldn't come tonight? 144 00:07:16,800 --> 00:07:19,520 What? Oh, she's very tired. 145 00:07:19,560 --> 00:07:21,200 -She's tired? -Who's tired? 146 00:07:21,240 --> 00:07:23,840 -Alison. -Oh, your pretend girlfriend. 147 00:07:23,880 --> 00:07:25,760 No, she really wanted to meet you and everything, 148 00:07:25,800 --> 00:07:27,360 but she's just a bit exhausted at the moment. 149 00:07:27,400 --> 00:07:31,040 -Well, three times a night with Simon. -That's really funny. 150 00:07:31,080 --> 00:07:33,160 You know, Jonny, I must have invited that girl 151 00:07:33,200 --> 00:07:35,040 for Friday night dinner about nine times now. 152 00:07:35,080 --> 00:07:36,360 It's not nine times. 153 00:07:36,400 --> 00:07:38,240 It's at least nine. When are we going to meet her? 154 00:07:38,280 --> 00:07:41,320 [COUGHING] Never gonna happen. Excuse me. 155 00:07:41,360 --> 00:07:44,280 -What are you talking about? -Jonny's girlfriend. 156 00:07:44,320 --> 00:07:47,440 -Oh, is she pregnant? -No, Mum. 157 00:07:48,840 --> 00:07:51,880 -Oh! You bastard! -Not bloody salt again. 158 00:07:51,920 --> 00:07:53,720 -It's not salt. It's gin. -Gin? 159 00:07:53,760 --> 00:07:57,120 - -Oh, gin? Can I have some? 160 00:07:57,160 --> 00:08:00,440 No, Mum, not with your beef. Enough now, all right? 161 00:08:02,400 --> 00:08:05,000 Yeah, and don't waste gin. 162 00:08:05,040 --> 00:08:08,720 It's your mother's for when she's depressed. Remember? 163 00:08:08,760 --> 00:08:09,840 [DOORBELL RINGS] 164 00:08:09,880 --> 00:08:11,800 -I'll get it. -I'll get it. 165 00:08:11,840 --> 00:08:13,320 GRANDMA: Where are they going? 166 00:08:13,360 --> 00:08:14,800 -Oh! -[CUTLERY CLATTERING] 167 00:08:14,840 --> 00:08:17,160 Oh, your lovely trousers! 168 00:08:19,240 --> 00:08:25,280 Don't worry. I'll do it. I'll clean myself up. 169 00:08:25,320 --> 00:08:27,920 -[SIGHS] Relaxing evening. -[SNEEZES LOUDLY] 170 00:08:29,920 --> 00:08:32,560 I just wondered if I could possibly... 171 00:08:32,600 --> 00:08:34,040 Who is at the door? 172 00:08:34,080 --> 00:08:36,240 Oh, hi, Grandma. It's Jim. You know, Jim with the dog? 173 00:08:36,280 --> 00:08:39,400 Hello, Mrs Buller. Come to say hello to Wilson, have you? 174 00:08:39,440 --> 00:08:41,280 -Hello, Jim. -[WILSON PANTING] 175 00:08:41,320 --> 00:08:43,600 Hello! 176 00:08:43,640 --> 00:08:44,800 What were you saying? 177 00:08:44,840 --> 00:08:48,120 I wanted to know if your mother could... 178 00:08:48,160 --> 00:08:50,960 [STAMMERING] If your mother could... 179 00:08:51,000 --> 00:08:52,200 Wilson! 180 00:08:53,040 --> 00:08:54,320 If she... 181 00:08:55,680 --> 00:08:56,880 Wilson! 182 00:09:03,200 --> 00:09:05,840 [STAMMERING] If your mother... Wilson! 183 00:09:10,560 --> 00:09:11,800 Um, yes. 184 00:09:12,520 --> 00:09:14,160 Well... 185 00:09:14,200 --> 00:09:16,680 Thank you, but never mind. 186 00:09:19,040 --> 00:09:22,240 -Goodbye to you, Mrs Buller. -And you, too, Jim. 187 00:09:22,280 --> 00:09:24,080 Yes, bye then. 188 00:09:24,120 --> 00:09:27,480 -Um, bye. -Goodbye. 189 00:09:27,520 --> 00:09:29,800 Yes, goodbye. Wilson. 190 00:09:37,600 --> 00:09:40,840 -What did he want this time? -Uh, he didn't really say. 191 00:09:40,880 --> 00:09:44,000 What do you mean, he didn't really say? 192 00:09:44,040 --> 00:09:45,880 Hi, Mum. Oh, you have a good wipe down? 193 00:09:45,920 --> 00:09:47,560 Sort of. [CHUCKLING] 194 00:09:47,600 --> 00:09:49,400 -What? -Nothing. 195 00:09:50,640 --> 00:09:52,440 Go on, Mum, finish your food. 196 00:09:52,480 --> 00:09:56,040 -Did you see the dog? -Oh, yes. He's very friendly. 197 00:09:56,080 --> 00:09:58,760 -Oh, good. -Yeah, very friendly indeed. 198 00:09:58,800 --> 00:10:00,520 Yes, indeed. 199 00:10:00,560 --> 00:10:01,760 [GRANDMA COUGHS] 200 00:10:01,800 --> 00:10:03,080 [CHOKING] 201 00:10:04,160 --> 00:10:05,560 Are you all right? 202 00:10:05,600 --> 00:10:07,360 Oh, God! 203 00:10:07,400 --> 00:10:09,880 Mum? You okay? Oh, my God! 204 00:10:13,640 --> 00:10:15,480 I just found a button. 205 00:10:17,000 --> 00:10:18,080 Mmm. 206 00:10:20,160 --> 00:10:22,480 I can't believe you said they're yellow. 207 00:10:22,520 --> 00:10:24,880 -No, piss yellow. -Yeah, piss yellow. 208 00:10:24,920 --> 00:10:27,760 It's just a little something for everyone. 209 00:10:27,800 --> 00:10:30,280 Oh, this one is for Adam. 210 00:10:30,320 --> 00:10:32,160 Oh, thanks, Grandma! 211 00:10:32,200 --> 00:10:33,760 Just a little something. 212 00:10:33,800 --> 00:10:37,080 Let me guess, a wallet? What is it? 213 00:10:37,120 --> 00:10:38,880 A wallet. Thanks, Grandma. 214 00:10:38,920 --> 00:10:41,040 -It's a purse. -A wallet. 215 00:10:41,080 --> 00:10:45,440 -Yeah, and here's Jonny's. -Oh, wonder what mine will be? 216 00:10:46,560 --> 00:10:49,560 Oh, a wallet! Thanks, Grandma. 217 00:10:49,600 --> 00:10:51,080 Pleasure, sweetie. 218 00:10:51,120 --> 00:10:53,440 I thought you might need a new purse. 219 00:10:53,480 --> 00:10:55,480 -Wallet. -What are they, wallets? 220 00:10:55,520 --> 00:10:58,360 Oh, and have a look inside. 221 00:10:58,400 --> 00:11:01,200 -A pound? -Oh, a pound. Thanks! 222 00:11:01,240 --> 00:11:02,560 Thanks, Grandma. 223 00:11:02,600 --> 00:11:04,760 -Buy yourselves... -ALL: An ice-cream. 224 00:11:04,800 --> 00:11:08,400 -Brilliant. -Oh, and Martin. 225 00:11:08,440 --> 00:11:09,880 Oh, don't tell me. Another wallet? 226 00:11:09,920 --> 00:11:12,720 Oh, thanks, Grandma. That's very nice of you. 227 00:11:12,760 --> 00:11:14,520 -What is it? A wallet? -It's a wallet. 228 00:11:14,560 --> 00:11:16,080 -A purse. -Amazing. 229 00:11:16,120 --> 00:11:17,240 Well. 230 00:11:18,560 --> 00:11:20,480 There are the presents. 231 00:11:23,600 --> 00:11:26,120 Uh, didn't she get you a present? 232 00:11:26,160 --> 00:11:28,960 -Um, Grandma? -Yes? 233 00:11:29,000 --> 00:11:31,760 -Did you get anything for Mum? -What? 234 00:11:31,800 --> 00:11:34,480 For me. Did you get a present for me? 235 00:11:36,080 --> 00:11:40,320 Oh, yes! Of course. For you. 236 00:11:41,000 --> 00:11:43,640 Something for you. 237 00:11:43,680 --> 00:11:48,760 Oh, yes, of course. Something for Jackie. 238 00:11:49,680 --> 00:11:50,800 Um... 239 00:11:53,640 --> 00:11:54,720 She's forgotten me. 240 00:11:54,760 --> 00:11:56,280 -Don't be silly. -Yeah. 241 00:11:56,320 --> 00:11:58,240 [SIGHS] Of course she hasn't forgotten you, Jackie. 242 00:11:58,280 --> 00:12:01,400 I'm telling you, Martin, she's forgotten me. Look. 243 00:12:01,440 --> 00:12:02,440 Um... 244 00:12:03,440 --> 00:12:05,600 Would you like a yogurt? 245 00:12:21,520 --> 00:12:23,040 -What? -Nothing. 246 00:12:27,840 --> 00:12:29,080 [CHUCKLING] 247 00:12:29,120 --> 00:12:31,320 Your mother's a bit stressed at the moment. 248 00:12:31,360 --> 00:12:32,880 You don't say. 249 00:12:32,920 --> 00:12:34,880 What do you mean, I don't say? I did say. 250 00:12:34,920 --> 00:12:36,160 Nothing. 251 00:12:38,360 --> 00:12:41,680 -Jonny, could you do the bin for me? -Really? 252 00:12:43,120 --> 00:12:45,520 God, these are massive. 253 00:12:45,560 --> 00:12:49,720 And also, Val gave her a big book the other day 254 00:12:49,760 --> 00:12:52,160 all about the... Well, you know. 255 00:12:52,200 --> 00:12:54,320 -The what? -The menopause. 256 00:12:54,360 --> 00:12:56,840 Oh! Did you have to tell me that? 257 00:12:56,880 --> 00:13:01,480 Talking of the menopause, any... 258 00:13:01,520 --> 00:13:04,680 Any... You know, have you... 259 00:13:04,720 --> 00:13:08,320 Have I been going through the menopause? 260 00:13:08,360 --> 00:13:11,280 -Funnily enough, no, Dad. -No, you know, any... 261 00:13:11,320 --> 00:13:13,360 -Dad! -Females. Any females? 262 00:13:13,400 --> 00:13:15,600 "Females". You make them sound like they're corpses. 263 00:13:15,640 --> 00:13:17,640 -Well, are there? -No. No females. 264 00:13:17,680 --> 00:13:19,760 When I get a girlfriend, I promise you'll be the first to know. 265 00:13:19,800 --> 00:13:22,080 Well, I'd like to think your girlfriend would be the first to know, 266 00:13:22,120 --> 00:13:23,200 if you know what I mean! 267 00:13:23,240 --> 00:13:25,680 -[LAUGHING] -God! 268 00:13:26,920 --> 00:13:28,240 -[YELLS] -[SCREAMS] 269 00:13:28,280 --> 00:13:30,840 -What happened? -Got you! Got you back! 270 00:13:30,880 --> 00:13:34,000 -What the hell is going on? -Pissface there was in the bin bag. 271 00:13:34,040 --> 00:13:35,520 The bin bag... 272 00:13:37,160 --> 00:13:40,200 -Did you just break that? -It was Jonny's fault. 273 00:13:40,240 --> 00:13:41,800 That's my favourite dish! 274 00:13:41,840 --> 00:13:43,720 Mum, I didn't mean to. It was... [CHUCKLING] 275 00:13:43,760 --> 00:13:47,040 Martin, why can't you control these two? 276 00:13:47,080 --> 00:13:49,560 Jonathan, I am really getting fed up with you tonight. 277 00:13:49,600 --> 00:13:52,200 You are really getting on my bloody nerves! 278 00:13:52,240 --> 00:13:54,520 Why are you shouting at Jon-Jon? 279 00:13:54,560 --> 00:13:56,920 Mum, leave me alone. I'll shout at whoever I like. 280 00:13:56,960 --> 00:13:59,720 -What? -Just stay out of this, would you? 281 00:13:59,760 --> 00:14:01,160 Sorry, Mum. 282 00:14:01,200 --> 00:14:03,240 Don't talk to your mother like that. 283 00:14:03,280 --> 00:14:04,800 -What? -Oh, God. 284 00:14:04,840 --> 00:14:07,000 Mum, I'll talk to you how I like, thank you very much, 285 00:14:07,040 --> 00:14:09,720 seeing as you haven't said a bloody nice word to me the whole evening. 286 00:14:09,760 --> 00:14:11,360 -It's okay, Mum. -Stop it, Adam. 287 00:14:11,400 --> 00:14:14,040 -Jackie... -It's true. 288 00:14:14,080 --> 00:14:18,280 And just so you know, those curtains in the living room, 289 00:14:18,320 --> 00:14:20,520 they are not yellow! 290 00:14:20,560 --> 00:14:24,600 Jacqueline, you will not speak to your mother like that! 291 00:14:24,640 --> 00:14:26,480 -And they are yellow. -Shut up, Mum. 292 00:14:26,520 --> 00:14:29,840 -Clear that up, would you, Jonny? -Right. That's it! 293 00:14:30,680 --> 00:14:32,280 Go to your room! 294 00:14:33,200 --> 00:14:34,840 [CHUCKLES] What? 295 00:14:34,880 --> 00:14:38,280 -Go to your room! -Go to my room? 296 00:14:38,320 --> 00:14:39,680 You heard me. Go to your room! 297 00:14:39,720 --> 00:14:41,120 No, I'm not going to go to my room. 298 00:14:41,160 --> 00:14:45,280 -You will! Go to your room! -No! It's not funny. 299 00:14:45,320 --> 00:14:47,600 -Yes! -No. You go to your room! 300 00:14:48,560 --> 00:14:51,640 -What? -You go to your room! 301 00:14:51,680 --> 00:14:54,400 -But I don't have a room. -Exactly. 302 00:14:54,440 --> 00:14:55,880 What do you mean? 303 00:14:55,920 --> 00:14:58,520 Mum, I'm not going to my room. This is my house. 304 00:14:58,560 --> 00:15:01,200 I'm a grown woman, for Christ's sakes. 305 00:15:01,880 --> 00:15:03,720 -Martin? -What? 306 00:15:03,760 --> 00:15:06,960 Could you please tell Jacqueline to go to her room? 307 00:15:07,000 --> 00:15:10,320 And can you please tell my mother to go to her room? 308 00:15:11,160 --> 00:15:12,280 Um... 309 00:15:13,600 --> 00:15:15,400 Okay. 310 00:15:15,440 --> 00:15:17,120 -Okay, then. -Where are you going? 311 00:15:17,160 --> 00:15:19,360 -Leave her, Adam. -What do you mean, where am I going? 312 00:15:19,400 --> 00:15:22,760 -I'm going to my room. -But you don't have a room. 313 00:15:22,800 --> 00:15:25,440 Then I'll find a room. 314 00:15:25,480 --> 00:15:29,880 And don't worry, I shan't be using that room in there 315 00:15:29,920 --> 00:15:32,480 because the curtains are too yellow! 316 00:15:32,520 --> 00:15:34,360 They are not yellow! 317 00:15:36,320 --> 00:15:37,880 Mum, I do think you should go to your room. 318 00:15:37,920 --> 00:15:39,800 It's not funny, Jonny. 319 00:15:39,840 --> 00:15:41,680 I make a lovely dinner for you that you just leave, 320 00:15:41,720 --> 00:15:43,880 I show you the new curtains, which you just laugh at, 321 00:15:43,920 --> 00:15:46,560 and then you smash my favourite dish. 322 00:15:46,600 --> 00:15:47,880 Mum. 323 00:15:47,920 --> 00:15:50,920 I'm serious. You're just so ungrateful. 324 00:15:50,960 --> 00:15:53,200 Ungrateful? When have I ever been ungrateful? 325 00:15:53,240 --> 00:15:54,480 Well, okay, maybe you're not ungrateful. 326 00:15:54,520 --> 00:15:56,440 Maybe your girlfriend's the ungrateful one. 327 00:15:56,480 --> 00:15:58,040 -Whoa! -I'm sorry? 328 00:15:58,080 --> 00:16:00,240 No, actually, I'm really fed up about it. 329 00:16:00,280 --> 00:16:02,040 We've never ever met the girl. 330 00:16:02,080 --> 00:16:03,280 -'Cause she doesn't exist. -Seriously. 331 00:16:03,320 --> 00:16:04,840 Oh, right, so it's all about that then, is it? 332 00:16:04,880 --> 00:16:07,080 You come here every week and you say, "She can't come." 333 00:16:07,120 --> 00:16:09,560 -"She's busy." "She's with a friend." -Boyfriend Simon. 334 00:16:09,600 --> 00:16:11,080 -"She's too tired." -Simon. 335 00:16:11,120 --> 00:16:12,560 Shut up, Adam! 336 00:16:12,600 --> 00:16:14,480 You know, if she's too important to meet us, 337 00:16:14,520 --> 00:16:17,560 maybe you should just tell her, "Thank you, but goodbye." 338 00:16:17,600 --> 00:16:19,440 "Thank you, but goodbye"? 339 00:16:19,480 --> 00:16:21,440 You know something, Mum? You're a nutcase. 340 00:16:21,480 --> 00:16:24,840 -Good. I'm a nutcase. -No. Sorry. You really are a nutcase. 341 00:16:24,880 --> 00:16:27,400 -Good. I'm glad. I'm a nutcase. -What are they saying? 342 00:16:27,440 --> 00:16:30,240 -That mum's a nutcase. -Ah, well... 343 00:16:30,280 --> 00:16:31,760 Thank you, Martin. 344 00:16:31,800 --> 00:16:33,320 Right. I've had enough of this crap. I'm going out. 345 00:16:33,360 --> 00:16:34,880 -JACKIE: Goodbye. -Going out? 346 00:16:34,920 --> 00:16:38,840 Leave him, Adam. If he wants to go, let him go. 347 00:16:38,880 --> 00:16:40,760 Don't be ridiculous. Where are you going? 348 00:16:40,800 --> 00:16:43,080 -The pub. -The pub? 349 00:16:43,120 --> 00:16:44,640 -Yeah, the pub. -Sorry, 350 00:16:44,680 --> 00:16:46,600 when have you ever gone to the pub on a Friday night? 351 00:16:46,640 --> 00:16:49,720 Yeah, go on. Go to the pub on a Friday night. Very Jewish of you. 352 00:16:49,760 --> 00:16:52,680 Thank you, but goodbye! 353 00:16:52,720 --> 00:16:56,400 -Sorry, the pub? What pub? -I don't know. The pub round the corner. 354 00:16:56,440 --> 00:16:57,760 Is there a pub round the corner? 355 00:16:57,800 --> 00:16:59,680 Yeah, you know, the Black something or other. 356 00:17:01,560 --> 00:17:04,040 I knew it was the Black something. 357 00:17:04,080 --> 00:17:05,680 This'll be nice. 358 00:17:18,320 --> 00:17:20,120 -Evening, mate. -Mate? 359 00:17:20,160 --> 00:17:21,720 -Two pints, please. -Pints of what? 360 00:17:21,760 --> 00:17:22,800 -Lager. -Beer. 361 00:17:22,840 --> 00:17:23,880 -Um, lager. -Beer. 362 00:17:23,920 --> 00:17:25,600 -Lager or beer? -It's the same thing. 363 00:17:25,640 --> 00:17:27,040 -It's not the same thing. -Isn't it? 364 00:17:27,080 --> 00:17:29,240 -Two lagers, please. -I thought it was the same. 365 00:17:29,280 --> 00:17:31,840 -Shut up now. -Tastes the same. 366 00:17:31,880 --> 00:17:34,440 [SIGHS] Mum is such a cow. 367 00:17:34,480 --> 00:17:36,720 And sorry, those curtains are seriously yellow. 368 00:17:37,840 --> 00:17:39,440 Six six. 369 00:17:39,480 --> 00:17:41,040 -Sorry? -Six pound six. 370 00:17:41,080 --> 00:17:44,520 Ad, have you got any money? All I've got is, um... 371 00:17:44,560 --> 00:17:46,760 No. That's all I've got, too. 372 00:17:48,000 --> 00:17:50,280 Why didn't you bring any money, you idiot? 373 00:17:51,160 --> 00:17:55,280 Sorry. We've only got £2. 374 00:17:55,320 --> 00:17:57,840 -But this is six six. -Yeah, I know. We don't have enough. 375 00:17:58,560 --> 00:18:00,280 Well, thanks a lot. 376 00:18:03,760 --> 00:18:06,800 -Stab us in the eyes? -Shut up. Uh, excuse me? 377 00:18:07,240 --> 00:18:08,680 What? 378 00:18:08,720 --> 00:18:10,400 Could we not have just got something with our £2? 379 00:18:10,440 --> 00:18:11,680 Your £2? 380 00:18:13,680 --> 00:18:15,440 Uh... 381 00:18:15,480 --> 00:18:18,120 Sorry, please excuse my brother for being a complete and utter knobface. 382 00:18:18,160 --> 00:18:20,000 Uh, could we just have a half pint of lager 383 00:18:20,040 --> 00:18:21,840 and one extra glass, please? Thank you. 384 00:18:24,560 --> 00:18:25,880 Knobface. 385 00:18:28,440 --> 00:18:31,600 -Keep the change. -Thanks. Nice purse. 386 00:18:36,680 --> 00:18:39,280 Ah! A refreshing quarter pint. 387 00:18:41,480 --> 00:18:43,240 [DOOR OPENS] 388 00:18:43,280 --> 00:18:45,200 Oh, shit! 389 00:18:45,240 --> 00:18:46,720 -JONNY: What? -Look away, look away. 390 00:18:46,760 --> 00:18:49,720 What? Why? Oh, no! 391 00:18:49,760 --> 00:18:51,320 -Has he seen us? -No. 392 00:18:51,360 --> 00:18:55,640 Not seen us, still not seen us, still not seen us, 393 00:18:55,680 --> 00:18:57,440 still not seen us... 394 00:18:58,320 --> 00:19:00,440 -Seen us. -Oh! 395 00:19:00,480 --> 00:19:02,560 Coming here in ten, nine, eight, 396 00:19:02,600 --> 00:19:06,400 seven, six, five, four, three, two, one. 397 00:19:07,120 --> 00:19:08,240 Hello, boys. 398 00:19:08,280 --> 00:19:10,560 -Hi, Jim. -Hi, Jim. 399 00:19:10,600 --> 00:19:12,280 In the pub, eh? 400 00:19:12,640 --> 00:19:13,720 Yep. 401 00:19:21,200 --> 00:19:22,320 Pubs! 402 00:19:23,120 --> 00:19:24,240 Uh-huh. 403 00:19:24,280 --> 00:19:25,520 The pub. 404 00:19:27,400 --> 00:19:28,520 Here. 405 00:19:30,160 --> 00:19:32,640 -Thanks, Mike. -Lawrence. 406 00:19:36,840 --> 00:19:40,240 -Anyway, yes, cheers. -BOTH: Cheers. 407 00:19:42,680 --> 00:19:44,040 There, there's a... 408 00:19:44,080 --> 00:19:45,360 good boy. That's it. 409 00:19:46,800 --> 00:19:48,080 Good boy. 410 00:19:55,200 --> 00:20:00,320 That's it. Almost there. Good boys. 411 00:20:00,360 --> 00:20:02,320 Good boy. 412 00:20:02,360 --> 00:20:04,200 He's not going to suddenly wake up, is he? 413 00:20:04,240 --> 00:20:06,040 Is he? 414 00:20:06,080 --> 00:20:08,360 Should you really be giving your dog lager? 415 00:20:08,400 --> 00:20:11,920 Yes, this does sometimes happen. 416 00:20:11,960 --> 00:20:14,440 Uh, we're sort of at home now, Jim. 417 00:20:14,480 --> 00:20:17,560 Um, just here's fine. Just put him down here. 418 00:20:17,600 --> 00:20:19,600 That's lovely. Thanks. 419 00:20:24,840 --> 00:20:26,560 Everything all right? 420 00:20:26,600 --> 00:20:29,720 Oh, hello, Jackie. Nice top. 421 00:20:29,760 --> 00:20:31,760 Um, thank you. 422 00:20:31,800 --> 00:20:34,880 -Is it new? -Not really. 423 00:20:34,920 --> 00:20:36,720 -Hi, Mum. -Is he dead? 424 00:20:36,760 --> 00:20:38,960 -No. Just drunk. -Drunk? 425 00:20:39,760 --> 00:20:41,160 Bye, Jackie. 426 00:20:42,200 --> 00:20:44,160 Bye. Boys! 427 00:20:45,160 --> 00:20:46,280 Boys! 428 00:20:50,600 --> 00:20:52,920 -Is his dog really drunk? -Pissed. 429 00:20:52,960 --> 00:20:54,640 -What's that? -Gin. 430 00:20:55,040 --> 00:20:56,520 Oh, gin. 431 00:20:56,560 --> 00:20:59,840 -We're still not talking. -Oh, where is she? 432 00:20:59,880 --> 00:21:01,640 I'm in my room. 433 00:21:01,680 --> 00:21:05,640 -Oh, this is ridiculous. -Well, don't blame me. 434 00:21:05,680 --> 00:21:08,640 Right, okay, where's Dad? Jonny, get Dad. 435 00:21:08,680 --> 00:21:11,160 -Dad! -What? 436 00:21:11,200 --> 00:21:13,640 -Oh, it's bosom man. -Yeah, I got hot again. 437 00:21:13,680 --> 00:21:17,160 Okay everyone, listen. 438 00:21:17,200 --> 00:21:19,800 Can't we all just, you know, like... 439 00:21:19,840 --> 00:21:21,440 [SIGHS] 440 00:21:21,480 --> 00:21:26,320 We're a family. And, like, well... 441 00:21:26,360 --> 00:21:31,360 Enough is enough. You know? I really mean it. 442 00:21:32,640 --> 00:21:34,160 Great speech, Obama. 443 00:21:34,200 --> 00:21:35,560 -Grandma? -What? 444 00:21:35,600 --> 00:21:37,960 -Can you just apologise to Mum? -What? 445 00:21:38,000 --> 00:21:39,680 Just say sorry to Mum. 446 00:21:39,720 --> 00:21:41,840 You want me to say sorry to your mother? 447 00:21:41,880 --> 00:21:43,200 -Yes. -Don't be silly, Adam. 448 00:21:43,240 --> 00:21:44,840 She won't do it. 449 00:21:48,520 --> 00:21:49,600 See? 450 00:21:51,640 --> 00:21:53,320 I'm sorry, Jackie. 451 00:21:55,000 --> 00:21:56,920 My God! 452 00:21:56,960 --> 00:21:59,560 Thank you. Mum, say sorry to Grandma. 453 00:22:00,840 --> 00:22:02,200 Sorry, Mum. 454 00:22:03,080 --> 00:22:05,280 Pissface, say sorry to Mum. 455 00:22:05,320 --> 00:22:06,720 Sorry, Mum. 456 00:22:06,760 --> 00:22:09,920 -Mum, say sorry to Pissface. -Sorry, Pissface. 457 00:22:09,960 --> 00:22:11,680 -And Dad. -Mmm? 458 00:22:11,720 --> 00:22:13,760 -Apologise to Mum. -For what? 459 00:22:13,800 --> 00:22:15,440 -I don't know. -Just say sorry, Martin. 460 00:22:15,480 --> 00:22:16,640 Sorry. 461 00:22:17,600 --> 00:22:18,720 Good. 462 00:22:19,640 --> 00:22:20,800 Right. 463 00:22:21,480 --> 00:22:22,640 Great. 464 00:22:23,800 --> 00:22:24,920 Yeah. 465 00:22:25,880 --> 00:22:28,040 -Cup of tea? -Oh, lovely! 466 00:22:28,080 --> 00:22:30,640 -A cup of tea! -Well done, bobble! 467 00:22:30,680 --> 00:22:33,640 -Yeah, well done, Pusface. -Well done, Jonny. 468 00:22:33,680 --> 00:22:36,480 -Sorry if I was a bit of a nutcase. -You were a bit. 469 00:22:36,520 --> 00:22:38,960 -MARTIN: Well done, bambinos. -Come on, Mum. 470 00:22:39,000 --> 00:22:41,920 ADAM: Oh, Jonny, could you come in here a sec? 471 00:22:41,960 --> 00:22:43,400 What do you want? 472 00:22:43,440 --> 00:22:46,440 Oh, I just must get my glasses from inside. 473 00:22:46,480 --> 00:22:48,200 Go on, Adam wants you. 474 00:22:48,240 --> 00:22:50,040 [SIGHS] Coming. 475 00:22:51,320 --> 00:22:53,040 -[ADAM YELLS] -[GRANDMA SCREAMS] 476 00:22:53,080 --> 00:22:54,360 [THUD] 477 00:22:55,240 --> 00:22:57,560 My God. Was that... Mum? 478 00:23:01,560 --> 00:23:03,040 [JACKIE GASPS] 479 00:23:04,480 --> 00:23:06,160 I think I've killed Grandma. 480 00:23:08,080 --> 00:23:09,600 JACKIE: Careful, careful! 481 00:23:09,640 --> 00:23:12,360 ADAM: I'm sorry. I thought it was Jonny. I thought it was Jonny. 482 00:23:12,400 --> 00:23:14,640 Why was he in the bag? 483 00:23:14,680 --> 00:23:16,640 It's all right, Mum. It's all right, Mum. 484 00:23:16,680 --> 00:23:18,160 Where are you taking me? 485 00:23:18,200 --> 00:23:20,400 -You really are an absolute dickhole. -Shut up, Jonny. 486 00:23:20,440 --> 00:23:22,920 -But he really is. -We'll dump her on the sofa. 487 00:23:22,960 --> 00:23:26,760 No. We'll put her on the sofa. Put her on the sofa. 488 00:23:26,800 --> 00:23:28,480 [GRANDMA GROANING] 489 00:23:29,000 --> 00:23:30,000 [GROANING] 490 00:23:31,480 --> 00:23:33,320 There we are, Grandma. 491 00:23:35,640 --> 00:23:37,640 Mum, do you want a doctor? 492 00:23:37,680 --> 00:23:42,960 No. Just some water. Some water, please. 493 00:23:43,000 --> 00:23:45,320 -Here you are, Mummy. -Thank you. 494 00:23:45,360 --> 00:23:48,040 -Uh, that might be vodka. -JACKIE: What? 495 00:23:48,720 --> 00:23:49,800 Mum! 496 00:23:51,960 --> 00:23:52,960 Mmm. 497 00:23:54,320 --> 00:23:57,040 -Better? -Much better, thank you. 498 00:23:57,080 --> 00:23:58,200 Good. Good. 499 00:23:58,240 --> 00:23:59,640 -Yeah. -Yeah. 500 00:24:01,720 --> 00:24:03,920 -Jackie? -Yes, Mum? 501 00:24:03,960 --> 00:24:07,200 -Can I say something? -Of course. What? 502 00:24:07,240 --> 00:24:09,640 You know, I was wrong. 503 00:24:10,760 --> 00:24:14,760 Your curtains, they're really lovely. 504 00:24:14,800 --> 00:24:16,760 JACKIE: Really? GRANDMA: Really. 505 00:24:16,800 --> 00:24:19,280 -Yeah, Mum. -Yeah, they're really lovely. 506 00:24:19,320 --> 00:24:21,520 -Yeah, really lovely. -Lovely. 507 00:24:23,080 --> 00:24:24,920 No, you were right. 508 00:24:24,960 --> 00:24:26,480 They do look like piss.